Being in a crowd can feel lonely. If you can’t connect with the surrounding people, it may be better to be on your own. So, how do you find like-minded individuals that make you feel socially satisfied? Yes, an obvious way is to look for like-minded people, who should be able to understand you better than others. This is the topic I want to discuss in this article and give you a better idea on how to go about it.
The prep work…
As with everything else, the quality of the preparation determines how well the process goes, so give it your best. Take your time to consider the following points. They will help you get a better view in your journey to find like-minded folks.
Get to know yourself.
This may sound vague and trivial, but an essential step not only in finding like-minded people but also in many aspects of your life. Self-discovery process allows you to realize your personality, preferences, your likes and dislikes, etc. This valuable information can also help in looking for like-minded people, since they will be very much like you. If you know yourself, you will know what kind of people you want to meet.
Education
I am not trying to encourage a social class system! Education level plays an enormous part in social interactions. It shapes our worldview and brings people together as much as it can contribute to gaps between social groups in our culture. Not that you can’t become buddies with a person on a different education level. It just means that if you meet an individual who just like you did a degree in engineering, you will have plenty to talk about making it easier to become friends.
Hobbies
Review your list of hobbies and things you like to do in your free time. People who share your interests are people you can easily connect with. Here, I want to encourage you to re-discover your old amusements and abandon the ones you no longer enjoy. People change and the things your old-self enjoyed may not interest you anymore. Hobbies that involve strong social interaction are best ones as they give you exposure to people. There are plenty of social intensive hobbies out there and you will definitely manage to find something that suits your taste. You can also give something new a try and find that you actually like it. So don’t say “no” to your friend inviting you to that dance class!
Emotional level
Since a human being is not only driven by rational reasoning, emotional level matters a lot too. There are people who follow their emotions more than others. They can get along well with sympathetic people. However, for others, emotions don’t play an enormous part in their lives. Their personality runs differently to the compassionate and sensitive types. The sympathetic people may think of them as rude and insensitive because of the emotional incompatibility. It will be easier for the two of you to get along if you are on the same emotional level.
Lifestyle
This point builds on the one raised earlier about hobbies. People like to live their lives in various ways. If you are an outdoor person and like to spend your free time in the city park, it will be difficult for you to make friends with an ordinary ‘couch potato’. Lifestyle is heavily influenced by the work you do for a living. If you work 9-5 but your friend works on shifts and the weekends, it will be challenging for the two of you to see each other.
Procedure to find like-minded people.
After having done your prep work, you are ready to execute the procedure for meeting like-minded people.
Determine strategic locations.
Strategic locations are places where your type of people like to hang out. This is where knowing yourself, and having an idea of the people you are after, comes in handy. Go through the prep work once again and make your individual list of locations where you are likely to meet your like-minded people. For example, a gym is an amazing place to meet people if you value a good workout. A list of strategic locations for meeting people is available to download here. It’s an amazing source if you are looking for inspiration.
Go to these locations often.
The next step is to make an effort to go to the locations determined in step 1 above. Nothing will happen if you stay at home—trust me—I’ve tried 😉 Having said this, you need to go to these locations often. A weekly gym session is better than a 1-day workshop event, because it gives you time to get to know the people you meet there.
Be yourself.
I hope this point comes easily to you. You can’t meet like-mined people if you are behaving like someone else! Show off your good side, but also be natural without acting someone you are not. This will save you disappointment at the later stage.
Be positive.
Enthusiasm helps when meeting people for the first time. This does not mean to be overly excited and unnatural. However, when you are establishing a connection with a person, showing interest about some parts of their life with enthusiasm will serve as an icebreaker and allow the conversation to go smoother. For example, start a conversation by being excited about the place they are from. Maybe you happen to visit it in the past and can name a couple of qualities you loved about that place.
Fishing for the right people out of the crowd.
So, you are at the right place and at the right time. You have started the conversation and now what? The idea here is to determine whether the person you are getting to know is the type of person you really can get along. Not all people at the gym will become your friends just because they also like to keep their bodies healthy just like you do. You need to pay attention to the little things in their conversations: the way they talk, the topics they discuss, how they empathise or their emotional integrity. I recommend observing them in various situations depending on their mood. How do they act when they are happy, when sad or when angry? After a thorough observation you will be able to make a selection of the people who have the best potential to be your friends.
Don’t expect perfection.
Use common sense when interacting with people and don’t be too quick to judge them. We are only human, and we make mistakes. The people you meet won’t be any different. They may get affected by a tough situation at work or by a family drama. Be considerate and don’t judge them based on a single thing they said or did, rather try to understand them on a deeper level.
Force nothing.
Meeting people takes time, even more so meeting the right ones. Yes, sometimes you may be lucky, and your personalities click, opening a truly fantastic friendship. Other times, it is worth taking your time to get to know people before you become too trusting with them. Listen to your inner voice. For example, if you are not comfortable in a certain situation, re-evaluate the prep work or try it another time. You may just be having a bad day. Remember, it’s all about the right place at the right time.
Are like-minded people really who you are after?
As much as it is exciting to meet like-minded people who operate at the same wavelength as you do, there are downsides to becoming too obsessed with finding them. People more like you may not always be good for you. They may not only possess the qualities you like about yourself but also the ones you don’t like. Or even worse, you may notice annoying qualities you have never known you had. That’s because it is more difficult to see the flaws in us but easier to see them in others. You don’t want to limit yourself to meeting people just like you. You may miss a broad range of exciting people whose personalities are there to teach you much more than you could ever imagine. So, keep on meeting as many people as possible and get inspired with their peculiar personalities!
